Give Him Chores, with High Expectations!
October 19, 2016
Thirty-one years ago my husband and I had our second child...a son! We were thrilled! Five weeks later, we were told that he had Down syndrome. Days after that diagnosis, we met with an Early Interventionist at the regional developmental preschool center. There we were, seated in little-bitty chairs with our knees up to our chins, and our hearts in our laps. The Early Interventionist introduced us to the world of special education with these words, "There's this law- called PL 94-142," (now known as IDEA- the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), "and it will make a huge difference in your son's life." I remember thinking, "I don't want to know about a stupid law --just tell me what I can do to help my son!" Little did I know how important and true her words would come to be!
In our small rural Wyoming town, there were not a lot of children with disabilities, certainly none with Down syndrome. But we were all friends and neighbors, and they supported us through Ted's multiple surgeries in his first 7 years, and in his early development. Everyone kept an eye out for Ted.
We got advice, lots of advice. The best was given from a good friend who had worked in special education for years. She told us to treat Ted just like we treated his older sister who did not have disabilities. "Give him chores of his own!" she suggested, so that he could take responsibility for doing well. "Have high expectations for him," while continuing to support him. "Never take no for an answer!" she said, when you believed it was what he needed. We took her advice to heart. The Early Intervention staff guided us through the maze of special education services, while teaching us about Ted's growth and development. They taught us how to teach Ted and to work with them as partners; not watch from the sidelines.
Ted continued to do well in school. He transitioned into public school where he was included in the general education classroom throughout his school years. We worked hard to come to agreement with his teachers for appropriate services. We pre-taught subjects as much as we could, and volunteered for everything we possibly could.
As he grew, Ted participated in typical extra-curricular activities: football, T-ball, cub scouts, swimming; and served as a school mascot and girls high school soccer manager. I learned the language of IDEA and always brought it to Ted's IEP team to drive decisions about his IEP. Juggling all of these, plus his classwork in an inclusive setting, was a challenge. Not all of the general education teachers knew how to best support Ted with differentiated instruction. Homework was not always fun at our house. Yet Ted stuck to it and thrived.
Today, Ted lives in his own home, in another community three hours away from his father and me. He does his own cooking, cleaning and laundry. He has a full-time job at a local hospital. He walks the 1 ½ blocks to work each day, where he has a supportive boss and team of colleagues. All those chores and high expectations worked. That law (IDEA) the early interventionist told us about all those years ago truly did make a difference!
Here are some pointers from Ted on life's lessons:
You have to go to work if you want to live on your own. You have to listen to your boss and do what she tells you. You have to be on time for work and follow the rules. Doing chores and keeping your house clean is important. Also, doing laundry and dumping the garbage.
Life is not just about dressing up as Elvis, but you should do other things that make you happy. I like to be around my family and friends and I like to go to the movies. Life is good!